Winner takes all
by Twilight Fang
Summary: (Slash) Russell x Tom This is a bit of an odd, suggestive AU fic - maybe it qualifies as a crack fic - where Mariel and Russell compete to see who can apologize to Tom better. I think it's pretty obvious who will win.


**Author's note: Writing these one-shots helps me concentrate more when I need a break from the ongoing fics.**

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Tom had been feeling awfully down lately, what with being the object of Russell's enmity and a verbal punching bag for Mariel. He'd spent the better half of the hurricane season waiting for someone to realize that a) he was not the bad guy – Szura was, and b) he actually did have feelings that could be hurt. But it was human nature to lash out at the new and unknown, instead of taking the time – or making the effort – to understand and appreciate what was different, rather than trying to snuff it out.

Wanting to avoid a confrontation with Russell, and not wanting to suffer permanent hearing loss within range of Mariel, Tom had retreated to the only place he really felt comfortable. No, not the Glades, where he'd undergone _the_ transformation that had sealed his fate as the black sheep of the congenial town known as Homestead. If there was one place that Tom felt safe and free from harassment, it was inside his sheriff's cruiser – his mobile sanctuary on wheels that had automatic door locks, bulletproof glass to keep criminals and their weapons at bay, and steel plating behind the seats to avoid stab wounds.

If Russell or Mariel were planning any future confrontations about the crimes that Tom had supposedly committed – but actually hadn't – Tom fully intended to usher them both into the backseat of his cruiser and lock them in. Then they could both get a taste of just how stressful it was to be trapped in a corner and subjected to nonstop verbal abuse. Tom wondered who would come out on top if he pitted Mariel against Russell. While Russell had the physical advantage, Mariel played dirty with her emotional baggage and ultimatums.

Tom was so lost in his amusing daydream that he didn't notice Mariel until the pretty blond doctor lightly rapped on the driver's side window. The unexpected interruption caused him to lurch forward in his seat, banging his knee on the bottom of the steering wheel. This would be the absolute last time he parked in front of the church. His strategy of trying to be difficult to find by being overly predictable had turned out to be too… predictable.

"Tom, open up. I just want to talk," Mariel called out from the other side of the bulletproof glass. "Can you roll down the window?"

 _Definitely not!_ That window was the only thing separating him from the verbal lashing of a lifetime. Tom crossed his arms over his chest, leaned back in the seat, and tried to go back to sleep.

"It's difficult to have a conversation like this, Tom. Stop being childish and roll down the window."

There was nothing childish about the steep learning curve that Tom had mastered in order to avoid Mariel's passive-aggressive insults. He could sit in the car all day if it meant saving himself from an upset stomach caused by anxiety, or a headache caused by the angry screams of a banshee.

"Tom, if you open the door, I'll make you a pot roast for dinner."

Hadn't the last pot roast been sacrificed to the garbage disposal unit after one of Mariel's frightening outbursts? "No thanks," Tom finally answered, deciding to take his chances with the hygienically questionable food at the church's bake sale, which was scheduled to start in approximately three hours. He could wait that long. At least he wouldn't have to worry about it being poisoned.

"Tom!"

Tom jumped away from the passenger's side of the vehicle when a harsh fist began to pound on it. He leveled his blue eyes on Russell, the park ranger who had threatened him with bodily harm on more than one occasion. Not always directly to his face. The threats usually came through Mariel in a roundabout way. Cute little messages like, _"Russell's considering returning you to the cove that you came out of. You might like it better there."_ Or, _"I heard that Russell is a better shot than you. You better be careful when he's cocking that shotgun."_ Every day was a joy with Mariel and Russell in his face, reminding him that he was less than human and a constant target for bullying.

"Tom, I'm sorry," Russell apologized as he leaned up against the window, his breath fogging up the glass that Tom had just had wiped at the gas station. "Can you open the door so I can make it up to you?"

"Sorry, Russ, I just don't think that I can take another derogatory comment about hybrids," Tom sighed, trying to tune him out.

"I'm not going to say anything bad about hybrids, or you," Russell insisted. "I was wrong. Not all hybrids are evil. Some are cute."

Russell really needed to stop embarrassing himself. If he thought for one second that Tom was going to be stupid enough to fall for corny bullshit like that, he had another thing coming.

"You're cute, too, Tom," Russell continued, taking his game to a whole new low. "You're especially cute when you're pouting."

Tom turned to glare at Russell, his cheeks and ears burning with indignation, and maybe just a little embarrassment. "Don't confuse me with Larkin, Russ. Hybrids don't pout."

"Since when?" Mariel joined in from the other side of the car. "Hybrids are no different from normal humans when it comes to emotion."

"That's right, Tom. If you were as stone cold as you'd like us to believe, you wouldn't be sitting in your car throwing a little tantrum and punishing us by making us stand here yelling at you like two idiots." Russell took a deep breath and banged on the window again. "If you open the door, I'll take you to Marineland to see the dolphins."

 _What the f-?!_ Tom shifted closer to the passenger's side and rolled down the window a centimeter. "I'm sorry, but did I just hear you offer to take me to Marineland to see the _dolphins_?"

Russell flashed Tom his award winning smile and tried to jam his fingers through the gap between the window and the window frame. "So, do you want to go?"

"Why on earth would I want you to take me to Marineland to see the _dolphins_?!" Tom looked at Russell as if he had lost his mind.

"Because everyone loves dolphins. And, aren't they distantly related to you? You know, the high percentage of hemoglobin and the love for water." Russell's enthusiasm and good intentions might have swayed Tom, _if_ his statement hadn't been downright offensive.

"I have nothing in common with a dolphin," Tom said peevishly, reaching for the button for the power window on the passenger's side again.

"Come on, who doesn't love dolphins? They're smart, and fast, and aerodynamically sexy." Russell let his eyes wander over Tom's lean figure, outrageously comparing him to a dolphin.

"Sometimes you've got a warped sense of humor, Russell," Mariel scolded, tapping again on the driver's side window. "Tom, how about we dig up that hydrangea bush in the front yard that is always covered with ants and replace it with a rosebush. You like roses, don't you? Roses are a more symbolic romantic gesture than watching a bunch of fish flipping out of the water in a theme park."

"Hey! Did you just insult my date invitation," Russell shot back. "Who the hell wants to plant a rosebush?! Most people would rather just get a dozen of them and be done with it." To prove his point, Russell produced a bouquet of red roses from behind his back and thrust them at the window. "You know you want them," he teased, watching Tom's eyes light up at the sight of not one, but twelve of his favorite Fragrant Cloud red roses.

"I thought I was the only one who knew Tom liked roses," Mariel said, sounding disappointed.

"I've been doing my homework. I think you should go home, Mariel, I'm out of your league."

"Tom, how about a romantic swim in the cove?" Mariel suggested hopefully. "Just the two of us, under the moonlight-."

"With the glowing orange sea monsters," Russell cut in. "That sure sounds romantic. I'm going to take your death wish of a swim in the cove and raise you a cross-country trip, plus the dolphins, and the roses."

"Russell, this is _not_ a poker game. We are supposed to be apologizing to Tom, not trying to win him over with this competition that you've started."

"I don't know, I think that Tom kind of likes the attention. Don't you, Tom?"

On any other occasion, Tom would have replied with the opposite of whatever Russell was hoping to hear. But he was intrigued with the promise of a cross-country trip with Russell, and really eager to get his hands on those sweet aromatic roses. Screw the dolphins though. He still disliked being compared to aquatic mammals, even if they did have similar hemoglobin counts.

"How do I know that this isn't just a trick to get me out of the car?" Tom hesitated with his finger on the locking mechanism for the passenger's side, completely oblivious to Mariel now.

"It isn't a trick, I swear. But I do want you out of the car. Screw it, I just _want you_ ," Russell confessed, giving Tom a really long, lingering, meaningful look full of innuendo. "So why don't you trade that cramped front seat for the backseat of my jeep? It's much roomier." And in case Tom was a complete nitwit and didn't get what Russell was hinting at, Russell gave the hybrid the sleaziest mental undressing that his eyes were capable of pulling off. "If you come out, I promise to give you such a tangible apology that you'll be feeling it for _days_ ," Russell added, ignoring the horrified look that Mariel gave him.

"There's no way he's going to get out of the car after you just said that," Mariel said with confidence.

Unfortunately, the truth was that if there were two different paths for Tom to choose from – one being crossing a safe valley to get to Mariel, and the other being wading through a thorny river of fire to get to Russell – Tom would willingly throw himself into the flames to get to the park ranger. It was just the law of nature. Good things were worth fighting for, and no pain no gain etc. Despite the cruel way that Russell had treated him in the past, Tom would put it all behind him if just for one brief moment with the object of his desires.

Tom surprised himself more than anybody by unlocking the passenger's side door and allowing Russell to climb in. By that time, Mariel had realized that her efforts just hadn't been sincere or enticing enough to win Tom back. She stalked off to see if she couldn't find a nice man in the church to lure back home for a free pot roast dinner.

"So, am I forgiven?" Russell asked as he presented Tom with the bouquet of roses and stretched his arm just enough so that he could boldly stroke his fingers over the sheriff's star pinned over Tom's left breast pocket.

"Not until you make good on _all_ your promises." But Tom wasn't prepared for Russell suddenly lunging at him, pushing him back against the driver's side door, and pinning him there with his superior body weight and muscular arms. "Russ, what are you doing?!" Tom gasped, feeling the door handle at his back, and his right foot trapped under the gas pedal at an awkward angle.

"Giving you something else that you want," Russell said with a devious grin as he slowly closed the distance between them.

"Not in the cruiser," Tom protested. "I'm on duty."

"Yeah, that's the whole point." Nothing could deter Russell after he had set his sights on something. Russell pushed the bouquet of roses out of the way and kissed Tom full on the lips, pressing one hand against the hybrid's cheek to keep him from escaping, and using the other to unbutton the sheriff's shirt. He kept up the pressure on Tom's lips until he was granted access to the hybrid's hot, sweet mouth, letting his tongue leisurely explore while Tom tried to push him off. But Tom's defensive tactics were contradicted by the way he moaned into the kiss and then tilted his head to deepen it. The kiss continued until Russell had freed most of the buttons on Tom's shirt, and then he just stopped.

"What the hell was that?" Tom demanded to know, his face flushed and his heartbeat fluttering under the palm that Russell had placed on his chest.

"Just getting a little revenge on that asshole for shooting you," Russell said with a smirk.

Tom twisted around to see what Russell was looking at and was caught in the scandalized glare of Father Scanlon. The priest had this look on his face that said _I knew I should have killed you when I had the chance_ , but quickly masked it and looked away when Russell attacked Tom with another kiss and some serious groping.

"Are you trying to rile him up into coming after me again?" Tom asked breathlessly when Russell let him up for air again.

"No, I'm warning him that if he comes after you again, I'll be going after him. And, I've just always had this kink of making out with you while you were still in uniform, so it's like killing two birds with one stone. Being in the sheriff's cruiser is just an added bonus."

"So, you weren't serious about the cross-country trip?" Tom asked in disappointment. "Because this is the third time you've brought it up after one of our fights."

"True, but it's the first time that I mentioned it in front of Mariel."

"Do you think she knows?"

"What? That this isn't a game and we're screwing around behind her back? Tom, honey, with the way we fight there's no way she's ever going to come to that conclusion." Smiling like a horny fox with absolutely no morals, Russell proceeded to kiss his attractive hybrid.

 **The End**

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Please review and let me know what you thought of this weird fic, or if you'd like to see more one-shots in the future.


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